Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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