Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i think my tv is drunk
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
