i just wanna soil my oats bro
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
