youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
