how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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