Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
