I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
