once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
