you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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