he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
