I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
