I want to have your abortion
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
