just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
