Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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