this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize