I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
