I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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