he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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