she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
