dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize