I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
