What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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