I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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