Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
