I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
