suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
