jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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