i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize