My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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