i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
