i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
