she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
