arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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