either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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