Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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