If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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