...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he fucked my hip out of place.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
