Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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