I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
