she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
