Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
