so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
