So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
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