Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My vagina just recognized that song.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
