The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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