I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
