Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
