omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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