If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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