My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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