I heard we made out
Only a mothe r could love this liver
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Two words: blizzard sex
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
