i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize