ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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