I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
