Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize