I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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