my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
