i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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