Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
