i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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