im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
