There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
