maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
