He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
