im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
