I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
