Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I pour the whiskey from now on
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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