I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
