like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
