She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
